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jokes
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come on somebody make me laugh!!!






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[adrianaec_88] Monday, December 29, 2008 7:57:28 PM 
LOL!
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Monday, December 29, 2008 6:59:29 PM 
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Monday, December 29, 2008 6:56:11 PM 
This is how I felt after eating christmas dinner...LOL

[adrianaec_88] Wednesday, December 24, 2008 8:39:46 AM 


Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!
[SkyRideR] Tuesday, December 23, 2008 6:13:02 PM 
whoa...even madonna is dating jesus...
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Tuesday, December 23, 2008 5:05:39 PM 
Well Now I know!!!  
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, December 20, 2008 12:58:22 PM 
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, December 20, 2008 12:45:10 PM 
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, December 20, 2008 12:35:38 PM 
[_strat_] Saturday, December 20, 2008 10:37:27 AM 
A guy comes into a library with a book that is long overdue. He says to the librarian: " This book is crap. Plenty of characters, but no action!" The librarian then turns to her collegue and says: "I think we finaly got that phone book back".


A drunk stops a taxi near the railway station, and says: "take me to the railway station!" "but we are already there!" Replies the driver. The drunk takes out a 20€ bill out of his pocket and says: "drive more slowly next time".
[SkyRideR] Thursday, December 18, 2008 3:42:41 PM 

try your hand at this:

http://play.sockandawe.com/ 

[kiamat] Thursday, December 18, 2008 6:12:00 AM 
How Santa gets around the world in one night

He has to deliver almost 2,000 million kilos of toys to approximately 842 million houses, using 214,200 reindeer for the weight.
To get to every house he has to travel 220 million miles, requiring a top speed of 9,166,666.7 miles per hour.
To achieve the least friction he would have to travel in the outer reaches of the Earth's atmosphere, coming down for present drop-offs.

Considering that an object such as a meteor falls through the Earth's atmosphere at speeds between 64,800 and 158,400 miles per hour (depending on its position relative to Earths orbit) and that at these speeds they burn up almost instantaneously-


Scientists estimate a survival time of about 1/250th of a second...

Edited at: Thursday, December 18, 2008 6:12:47 AM
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Sunday, December 14, 2008 3:50:22 PM 
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Sunday, December 14, 2008 3:48:57 PM 
[_strat_] Monday, December 08, 2008 7:19:18 AM 
Not if the wealthy one is really wealthy.
  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Head banger from Monday, December 08, 2008 7:14:21 AM)
[Head banger] Monday, December 08, 2008 7:14:21 AM 
4.  christ thats a lot of work!!!
  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by _strat_ from Monday, December 08, 2008 5:16:52 AM)
[_strat_] Monday, December 08, 2008 5:16:52 AM 
What every man needs in life is a woman that is smart. A woman that is beautifull. A woman that cooks well. A woman that is wealthy. 

But most importantly, those four women must not know about one another.
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, December 06, 2008 8:29:07 PM 
I can see this would be my cat...lol

[Metallark] Saturday, December 06, 2008 8:08:48 PM 
OOOOOOUCH! Great one MG.
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, December 06, 2008 10:56:19 AM 
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, December 06, 2008 10:54:43 AM 
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, December 06, 2008 10:52:04 AM 
LOL
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Friday, December 05, 2008 8:18:30 PM 

Well this one about sums it up for me..... LOL

[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Friday, December 05, 2008 4:02:13 PM 
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Friday, December 05, 2008 3:17:51 PM 
[Metallark] Friday, November 28, 2008 6:26:11 AM 

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.

 

She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

 

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

 

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

 

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled

with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

 

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

 

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

 

'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?'

 Pointing to the bowl.

   

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package n the ground.

 

The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

 

Do you know I haven't had the flu All winter.'

 


Edited at: Friday, November 28, 2008 6:36:43 AM
[Metallark] Friday, November 28, 2008 6:20:15 AM 

New "Spread the Wealth" pencil sharpener.  Every US taxpayer will be mailed one of these with the new 2008 IRS tax forms.

Be a-watching' in your mail box!

 

Edited at: Friday, November 28, 2008 6:21:01 AM
Edited at: Friday, November 28, 2008 6:21:48 AM
[Metallark] Friday, November 28, 2008 6:14:47 AM 
 TURKEY RECIPE~Better Late, Than Never 
I thought this sounded good!
Here is a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a
stuffing -- imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought it was
perfect for those who just are not sure how to tell when
poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out.
Give this a try. 

8 - 15 lb. turkey
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is Good.)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT) Salt/pepper to
taste 

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush turkey well with melted butter
salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in
baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. 

Listen for the popping sounds.
When the turkey's ass blows the oven door open and the bird flies
across the room, it's done. 

And, you thought I didn't cook...

Edited at: Friday, November 28, 2008 6:15:44 AM
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Tuesday, November 25, 2008 3:08:42 PM 
LOL
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Tuesday, November 25, 2008 3:07:43 PM 
[Deep Freeze] Friday, November 21, 2008 5:02:55 PM 
I did NOT need to know this!! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by stratlover from Friday, November 21, 2008 5:01:52 PM)
[_strat_] Friday, November 21, 2008 5:01:52 PM 
Why, its because I just had a checkup at a gynecologist. What were you thinking? Or, maybe it has something to do with one of the jokes I posted...


Yeah, I will do my best... Photoshop is waiting.

  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Deep Freeze from Friday, November 21, 2008 4:42:47 PM)
[Deep Freeze] Friday, November 21, 2008 4:42:47 PM 
Yes, you have spelled gynecologist correctly. Why you have, I do not want to know!! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would love to see what you have in mind as far as art. We have someone working on it now and I am sure any suggestions are welcome!!!
  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by stratlover from Friday, November 21, 2008 4:39:07 PM)
[Head banger] Friday, November 21, 2008 4:42:21 PM 
good stuff.
  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by stratlover from Friday, November 21, 2008 4:30:56 PM)
[_strat_] Friday, November 21, 2008 4:39:07 PM 
Good to see you again too. Ive been paying close attention to the project thread lately, and as it happens I may just have a surprise for you guys in the cover art department... Not making any promises yet, but I do have a weekend in front of me and a good idea. I will contact you if it comes out right.

Oh, and enlighten me, o great sage of all things grammar (j/k)... Is "Gynecologist" correct?
  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Deep Freeze from Friday, November 21, 2008 4:35:21 PM)
[Deep Freeze] Friday, November 21, 2008 4:35:21 PM 
Sometimes you need not be the author. Timing is everything! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good to see you, my friend.
  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by stratlover from Friday, November 21, 2008 4:34:08 PM)
[_strat_] Friday, November 21, 2008 4:34:08 PM 
Dont give me too much credit... It came in the e-mail today. I just translated the shit.
  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Deep Freeze from Friday, November 21, 2008 4:32:58 PM)
[Deep Freeze] Friday, November 21, 2008 4:32:58 PM 
HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by stratlover from Friday, November 21, 2008 4:30:56 PM)
[_strat_] Friday, November 21, 2008 4:30:56 PM 
DEFINITIONS:

Dancing - A vertical expression of a horizontal desire

Economist - Somebody who will tomorrow know why the things he predicted yesterday didnt come true today

Gynecologist - A person that works in a place where others have fun

Marriage - A union of two people that are trying to work out problems that they wouldnt have, had they stayed single

Pessimist - An optimist with experience

Alarm clock - A device made for waking people that dont have small kids

Superstar - A person that works for years to become famous, but when that happens, he/she wears big black glasses to avoid being reckognised.

A computer expert - A person that solves problems you didnt know you had

Headache - The most popular form of contraception
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Thursday, November 20, 2008 5:24:22 PM 
[Soylentgreen4u] Saturday, November 15, 2008 8:05:22 PM 
THAT'S MORE LIKE IT...MY TAIL IS WAGGING AGAIN...NOW SCRATCH ME BEHIND THE EAR AND TELL ME WHAT A GOOD BOY I AM!...
  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by MG_Metalgoddess from Saturday, November 15, 2008 7:27:15 PM)
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, November 15, 2008 7:27:15 PM 

Now you are trying to make me feel guilty... MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I suppose I will have to put you on the back-rub list too now........  Dammitt.... LOL

Who loves ya baby!!!!  

M~


  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by Soylentgreen4u from Saturday, November 15, 2008 7:13:36 PM)
[Soylentgreen4u] Saturday, November 15, 2008 7:13:36 PM 
THAT'S RIGHT...KICK A GUY WHEN HE'S DOWN...YOU KNOW HOW SAD I AM OVER MY TEAM LOSING AND YOU DO THIS....WELL AREN'T YOU A PILE OF SOFT PILLOWS ON A SUNNY DAY?...
....SHAME,SHAME,SHAME!...YOU COULD OF AT LEAST WAITED UNTIL I HAD A BEER OR TWO IN ME....NICE!

  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by MG_Metalgoddess from Saturday, November 15, 2008 6:50:08 PM)
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, November 15, 2008 7:11:40 PM 
lol
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, November 15, 2008 6:50:08 PM 

SOy was this you....  LMAO

[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Saturday, November 15, 2008 6:46:18 PM 
lol
[ron h] Wednesday, November 12, 2008 5:03:07 AM 
Now that is funny!!!!

Could you e-mail that to me??  Please??

  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by MG_Metalgoddess from Tuesday, November 11, 2008 8:45:46 PM)
[mmmmmm] Wednesday, November 12, 2008 4:56:44 AM 
Good One MG !!!! 
  [Show/Hide Quoted Message] (Quoting Message by MG_Metalgoddess from Tuesday, November 11, 2008 7:16:31 PM)
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Tuesday, November 11, 2008 8:45:46 PM 



MUahhhhhhhhh  they dont call me Lady Evil for Nothing
[~ MG_Metalgoddess~] Tuesday, November 11, 2008 7:16:31 PM 
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