Am in Kentucky visiting my brother who's having surgery in the morning.
He's not to eat anything past midnight  so his bright idea was to go to a buffet so we could pig out---the restaurant was filled with Sunday evening chuch going folks.
I ordered a soda & when the waiter ( young teenage boy ) brought me a refill, instead of bringing me another glass or even taking the glass I already had & refilling it ,he had a pitcher full of soda & accidentally spilled the pitcher on my lap. . He then proceeded to blot my crotch which made matters worse yet as I'm old enough to be his Mother.
He was embarrassed as was I ,but being the jokester that I am & having the attitude that the glass is half full , I tried to lighten the moment by saying the first thing that popped into my sex-depraved brain.
"Don't worry honey that's the first time in 4 years that I've been wet & sticky down there !!"       
Well his face turned fire engine red as did my brother's , my sister -in-law's & the church going folks.
 But anyone who knows me,knows that my mouth works faster than my brain does & I'm too honest for my own good sometimes. Open mouth ,insert foot on many occasions.
So at that point the meal was pretty much over--did you ever have those sneakers that squeaked when they got wet ?
Well that was me as I was trying to make my not -so-fast getaway  as I was dripping soda down my legs & into my sneakers with every step.  Dignity be damned !!
Needless to say-  I live In Pennsylvania & won't have to worry about seeing those nice Sunday night church going folks on every corner. !!